It’s been a crazy six months around here. Once again we find our life in flux… no not flux but complete change. I am having to give up so much, a home I like, neighbors I wish I could live with for the rest of my life, a city I love, and many of our ideals of life. At least temporarily on the ideals.

It’s hard to even write this here, but because of economic reasons we have to send Alder to school next Fall. It is my hope that we can stabilize our life enough in one school year that we can return to homeschooling. I have cried about all of this so much lately that I’m not sure if I have any tears left. He wants nothing to do with school and I am so afraid for him. Because all of this is happening at this point in the year he is going to end up in the neighborhood school, in our new neighborhood, in our new town.

So where does this leave me? Well, I vacillate back and forth between excitement for planning our new life and mourning everything I am leaving behind. I hate the feeling that I have to put a lot of my philosophies on hold. But on the other hand Kevin has the opportunity to spend more time doing acupuncture and we are in the position to be economically stable in a way we haven’t been for a long time. So maybe this school experiment will help us to solidify everything else in our life well enough to give us the freedom to return to homeschooling.

I do feel lucky that our new home is less than an hour (with no traffic) from where we live now, so while we will be making new friends and connections we won’t have to give up on the people we are closest to now. Right now I want mainly to focus on staying on task and getting us set up in our new life and creating the economic freedom we need to live the way we really want to.

Still I cry sometimes.