inside

No not the ocean, yet. But rain, lots and lots of rain. But mixed within there has been a lot of healing. Healing the soul sometimes hurts. I’ve spent a lot of time hiding, from work, from people, even from Kevin. But this rain brought things together. It made me look inside a little more, as we stopped moving through; going and doing. Instead we stayed home, there was lots of toys and movies and painting. But there was also time for me to stare at my blank wall and realize that I’ve been stalling. That I am bruised from the past years but that I just need to get over it an continue on.

No not continue on but take hold of the phrases that grab me and fill them out. Not to scribble about things I want to write and make but to just do them. To rejoin the world actively, to make space in my life away from the mental clutter to take on me, to take on the world I introduce to Alder and to stop dreaming about some day and create today.

So here I am building a beginning that should have been a long time ago. It starts, not with carefully planning my approach but just heading in and creating beauty and thought, make space for anger and red lines, and a little bit of that organizing thing and that smiling thing.

This is all frightening for me, I am very good at not finishing things, being overwhelmed, hiding in movement. But I’m tired of this treading water it just seems easier to swim to land.

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