Like I said earlier, I feel like I am at a point in my life where I feel comfortable with who I am and am more interested in becoming better at it. One of the big physical changes I made was trading rooms with Kevin. For the last year I’ve had my studio space in the basement. But the fact was I never went down there, there were weeks on end that I never opened the door to my room. About a month ago Kevin offered to trade with me, he would be happy to have the big room downstairs if I wanted the smaller sunny room next to our bed room. So Alder and I did some painting and this is what it’s turned into so far.
The walls are still a little bare but it’s sunny and clean. I’ve been spending a lot of time in there catching up on all the projects I never got to this past year. So there’s been shorts for Alder, a shirt and pants for me, a new bag for me, a phone cozy for Kevin and the beginnings of a baby quilt (that’s it on the ironing board). I’ve also been reveling in listening to books on CD lately while I work.
All of this is a start, but there is so much I need to get going on. I’m not going to suddenly change but I feel that I am at the point where a lot of the personal changes I want to make are close enough that they can happen. When I list them in my head, in order of importance, they sound silly. It goes something like this: lunch, paperwork, writing, organizing our learning supplies, lunch, rhythm, marketing for Kevin, revisiting old projects, lunch. See the theme, necessity, creativity and lunch. But some how having such a great space to work on all of this (except lunch) makes it seem a lot more accessible.
Still much of the changes I need to make are the other sort, the painful shifting of how I approach life. Every time I have made big changes like this I end up creating a narrative about how I want my life to be and then I “pretend” to be the person in the narrative, if I keep it going in long enough it become part of who I am and no longer play acting but just part of me. So I’m working on creating that narrative this week. I know there are so many psychological things could be said about this but honest it’s how I do change the best.
So this is me doing change.
Now if I could just learn to smile for the camera.
Ooh listen to this, it’s been on replay while I wrote this.