I have a secret to share, for the past six years I have talked about life as something that was going to start soon. First it was Kevin’s grad school, then it was the first town we lived in, then it was a complicated soon with Alder as if I was waiting for him to become someone, and finally it was when I get used to the house in the woods. The thing is during that time a lot of living went on. I am starting to realize that if I am going to wait until someday for life to start I’ll be sitting around not doing for an awful long time. In someways this is the tail end of a lot of how I lived for a long time. But the decision to move back to Denver, to the one place I have ever been truly happy where I have made deep friendships feels like a beginning.
A beginning of a life where I am not looking out over the horizon for someday. Instead I am going to revel in making now great. There are so many projects and adventures I want to take both with Alder and alone and being here somehow makes them all possible. I can’t explain my link to this city only that when I walk through it’s streets I feel the rush of life in me, I find stories around every corner waiting for me to write them down, to tell them, and sometimes just to enjoy them in my head.
The first month we were back in Colorado I had my birthday party in a park up here, we needed some paper plates so I walked by myself over to the grocery store to get them. The whole way I was overwhelmed by this place, I hadn’t realized how much it had become a part of me until I came back. I feel privileged to be able to come home to this city and to these wonderful beautiful people who are my friends.
I only hope that I can keep myself in the present or the near future rather than searching for a someday in a different reality. I can’t wait to share this new journey with you all, even if it has to start with packing more boxes.