Why Yes

A snow angel from last week’s storm.

Not long after that last post our little computer died. She was such a wonderful machine but she was never meant to be the only computer for a family of three with one business and lots creative projects. She overheated and just could not be revived. Lets just say it was really the inevitable ending to last week. In case any of you were wondering it really is impossible to live without our computer, between online courses Kevin is taking and communicating with family and friends the two days were complicated. At one point I had to call a friend and ask her to check my email for something. Suddenly I’m sitting here in front of a 13 inch screen instead of 7 inches. I no longer have to guess what my photos look like, I can read more than a paragraph of what I am typing at a time.

I have to say I have new respect for the people at the Apple Store. I patiently waited for my turn already knowing we couldn’t afford even the cheapest of laptops, but still I wanted to check one out. When I was finally helped I explained to the guy our situation and rather than trying to get me to spend more money than I could he pulled out a card and wrote down the name of a local company that refurbished MacBooks for less that Apple was selling them for, and it was a woman run business. Without a second thought I drove over there and two days later we had a like new computer with all of our information from our old hard drive rescued. Oh and the cost was under what we were planning on spending. I feel like a kid with a new toy.

 

 

The Day I Spent Waiting

The man had been hit by the handicap van, that was the backdrop of my day.
A bloody pair of pants alone on the street behind the barricades,
one black shoe neatly placed next another.

The man at the pharmacist told the story of the accident while I waited.

I walked past those pants three times today,
Blood tests and conversations with doctors,
in  room where I felt my own words vanish.
But they have no words for me,

I’m just a middle age woman coming in with a complaint
I was home before I though of all the questions I had.

Anyway they have my blood to talk to them.

To Start the Day

I stole the morning, just a moment after it bled in,
I caught it singing a summer song in mid-winter,
Now as the thick flakes are falling
I’m thinking about the scent of dried dirt on the back of my hands
and porch dinners.

This unintentional shedding of my winter skin.
Yearning for peaches and endless evenings.

and we’re only 16 days in

That would be 15 but it feels like more. So much is going on right now. Too much for me to process right now. We’re having some health issues in our house and some major changes happening (no moving involved thankfully). But somehow through all of these things we are finding somehow we are happier and more loving than we have been in a long time.

I will tell you that it is a struggle to type this right now, so it may be some time before I write anything long. I’ve thought I might try handwriting things and then scanning them because using a pen is much easier right now. If that doesn’t work I guess I’ll turn to more pictures and less writing. Hopefully my hands and I will be getting along better soon.

Take Time and Sit with This

These words fit so well with where I am. Take time to listen to this, not in a rush or while doing something else. Let it wash over you and feel it. Drink tea, go for a walk and absorb it. Feel the moment and let it flow through you. 

Thank you Sarah for sharing this with me.

This all seems so differently farmiliar

There is a lot going on in our family right now so my mind isn’t really in the long explorations I was hoping to start. For now I’ll just list some things could be long thoughts if I had the concentration.

• Unless you are published a whole bunch people are uncomfortable with you calling yourself a writer. Oddly they also think that spending time writing and being a writer is sort of a waist of time, especially if you happen to have children.
• My whole life I have been a very decisive person. Something happened when I gave birth to my son I started deferring to my husband, who happens to be the most indecisive person on the planet. I have decided to take back this power for both of our sakes.
• If one more person tries to frame something in my life as a “learning experience” I may break my passive identity and hurt them.
• Learning about new to me artists like Beatrice Caron.
• Most of my fears about people are more in my mind than real, and that I need to acknowledge this and learn how to move through this.
• Sleep actually is important, but so is writing.
• I really enjoy the editing process.
• Learning about new things is almost as exciting as visiting new places and really shouldn’t be left just for children.
• The curves in the road lead to new views.

I’m pretty much tapped out on reality right now, I’m going to go bury myself in some fiction editing and maybe some mild entertainment. Enjoy your nights.

Welcome 2012

On our walk to the coffee shop this morning we stepped over confetti and streamers, though our own New Years Eve celebration wasn’t. But now looking forward and behind that this new year, 2012, is starting in a good place.

Last year started with “There is something about 2011 that just brings Opening to mind. Stephanie asked what were our words for the new year and I said rhythm, gratitude and freedom, and they are my personal words but opening is the word that belongs to the year itself. With all four of these words in mind I will walk further into this family journey of learning we have chosen.“

This year is different my needs and my family’s have changed. I can’t choose just words for this year but there are only two concepts for 2012 that I feel are where I am going. Collaboration, it is a word and an idea that I am drawn to this year. The other ideas is taking care of myself; my body, my soul. Not something that I’ve had much experience with but I am at a point in my life where deliberate attention to myself is needed. It seems that every year my list is shorter, ideas more distilled.

There are some other goals I have but I’m not quite ready to share them, since every time make a statement of something I am going to do on this blog it never gets finished. So I will wait a little longer until the projects are further along.

What words are inspiring you this year?

Approaching

The new year is coming soon a good excuse to focus myself again, to focus our learning and creating. The holidays were a mix of parties and tired stressed out family members. I am excited to get back into the normal rhythm of our lives.

This year I am going to start using this space to help me keep track of good and special things. Once a week I will be doing a post on our learning projects and adventures, another on food and recipes (a way of keeping track of meals we have liked), and once a week some sort of “essay” for lack of a better name. I’d love to commit to a photo post too but I think that posting three times a week is already a lot for me. And I am sure most of this will flounder if we get busy, but I’m hoping by sharing I’ll be more motivated to keep going.

Our Festival of Lights

Last night we invited some friends to share a winter’s night.  In a blur of children. There was soup
that my great grandmother used to make and latkes for everyone. Wine poured liberally as we talked
and talked and cooked and played. Briefly we all came together to pause. I told the story of the
few who did what was right, of the oil that lasted eight nights though there was only enough for one.
A story of miraclebut really a story of doing what is right and standing up for what you believe.

And then there was gelt (chocolate money) and doughnuts. Finally there was just me sitting quietly
in the flower chair with a little boy asleep on the floor under a rainbow blanket.

So Much

Well after a month of insane writing I can proudly tell you that I hit the 50,000 word mark…with ten minutes to spare. The thing is while I reached the word count number I still have far to go in the story, so I’m still writing about fifteen hour a week, I’ve given myself until the end of February to finish this draft.

The experience did exactly what I need it to do. It got me back into the habit of writing, regularly and not finding excuses. It also has reminded me that to have things happen all I need to do is start and not get stuck in the planning. Which I have been doing and it feels so good. So in review I think that the NaNoWriMo experience did everything I wanted it too.

But there was another part to the whole project, not something tangible but a feeling of expansiveness that fills me. The world is so big and there are so many ideas around me, but for the past few years I was closed to them. Putting so much into writing has released some thing in me. I am excited to see where I will take this and how it will all come together.